Some of my Best Friends are Drunks

Being a Monday and not a particularly busy one at that, I originally planned on staying indoors and doing something constructive like read a book or clip my toe nails. That’s when I remembered that I only had to be at work at 9 a.m. the following day so I may as well go out for a single drink. You know, one of those innocent night caps that helps ease one into slumber mode.

So my mate and I land up at the pub, the one we always go to. He, being the responsible one, orders a glass of water and I order a Brutal Fruit. There we are chatting away to our mates and reliving memories from the New Year’s party.

Suddenly more of our friends rock up there. These aren’t just any friends, they’re drunks. But because we still felt fragile and delicate from the previous three days, we decided to take it easy. By this stage I had consumed about four Brutals, and my friend, about three litres of good quality H20.

Eventually the Brutals started talking to me in a fruity kind of way and encouraged me to become braver and imbibe even more of the poison, this time accompanied by the dwarfish devils – shooters.

Before I knew it, my mate traded in the water for beer while I had an array of empty tot glasses lined up in front of me. I think I did Manthu proud. This was the point of no return; the moment when it would take a miracle of biblical proportions to save me. I was going down at a rate of tots.

I went cross-eyed and wasn’t capable of audible speech. If rumours are to be believed, I was conversing in something similar to Shangaan and Swahili. Ordering beer became impossible as the barman had to decipher a collection of clicking sounds to understand what I wanted.

At some stage I managed to lose my friend among the rowdy pub-goers. When I found him, he was engaged in some an argument with an empty tot glass that needed replenishing. Due to my inebriated state I could have the facts muddled up......

For more, check out the book ‘Don’t Judge this Book by the Cover’ which is available in all Exclusive Books and CNA stores nationwide. Alternatively you can purchase a copy from Kalahari. The link is below.