Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Zuma – The Spear of the Nation


By now you might have heard about the furore over a picture, which depicts the President standing in a suit, with an outstretched hand while his stumpy bits dangle from his zipper region.

Hardly worth calling his fleshy bits stumpy to be honest. In fact, more the kind of weapon God bestows upon a man who he holds solely responsible for continuing the human race. And given the amount of children our Casanova has fathered, I’d say he’s doing a sterling job so far.

With the above mentioned in mind, I’m finding it rather difficult to understand why the ANC feels the image is defamatory and violates Zuma’s rights. A news soundbite even said something to the effect that the image undermines African culture and men in particular. Perhaps it was spurred on by ANC spokesman and self-elected art connoisseur Jackson Mthembu, who called the image “so-called-art.” 

During Zuma’s last cultural wedding – the one where he flailed his legs in the air and toppled over – I could have sworn that I saw something similar to a Puff Adder, only darker, hiding behind his loin cloth. If my memory serves me right, prior to the arrival of Europeans on African soil, black folk were running around bare-arsed and not in Hugo Boss suits, as the ANC would have us believe.

Personally, I feel President Zuma should be flattered at the almost life-size picture. The nation can be forgiven for thinking that women queue outside his garden gate like paedophiles at a pre-school open day. And now that the image is in the public domain I suspect that number will grow, this time including some pale-faced women.

It’s not every guy who gets portrayed as a human mule, what with that spear of an appendage dangling from him. Judging by the looks on the faces of other men who were at the opening on the same night, I could tell that they, too, wanted to be portrayed as our three-legged president.

If anything, it does wonders to improve his street cred. What better way to get the nation to take you seriously than to show off a little?...........

To read more on this piece you can go to any Exclusive Books or CNA stores nationwide. 

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